A glimpse into my altered world

16:12
This is the longest I've ever been awake for without any sleep or power napping or the like. 73 hours, or 3 days and 3 nights just passed in this, rather undead like state of being. I feel like a zombie, tired but not sleepy. Trying to occupy myself with films, embroidery, music, writing and knitting in varying order and combinations.

It's really starting to take its toll now, feels like my brain is turning into mush or something. Right now about half the world around me isn't real, I presume, cause with some things it's hard to tell. I'm having tactile, visual and auditory hallucinations almost constantly by now. They are weird, but not frightening. Every picture looks to be slowly moving, like an image cut in gif in slow motion. I'm looking at a picture of a woman with one hand on her chest and though it is a still photo, I can see her her hand softly stroking across her collar bone. Like if she touched herself or floated in water. Very graceful indeed.

23:53
It feels like I'm under water, on a sinking ship. The way my floor is unstable, and seems to rock under my feet, the way my vision is blurred and everything is having a slow dance as if I see the world through water. Distorted sounds with weird, misplaced thumping and clonking here and there. Yes, it actually feels a lot like I'm on a sinking ship. Yet I calmly sit here, not the least worried or scared. It's just strange, but still it isn't. It's just a feeling, a likeness, and I don't really believe that I'm literally drowning. It doesn't feel like drowning at all actually, it's soothing somehow.

I have gotten used to my supposedly different, or altered, world view cause I know of nothing else. Had I become psychotic over night from living a seemingly normal life until that moment I'd probably be very frightened. I don't even know if my world actually is psychotic, but I doubt that it is normal. Somewhere in between most days, and some days with a little extra spice; and others, very few days thankfully, are nightmarish.

So just how is my world view not "normal"? Because everything, people, events, things, conversations can or may not be real. Some times they are, other times they aren't. I interpret things differently. Read private messages sent specifically to me, masked to be hidden to others, in the strangest places and ways. I can hear the trees cry, the clouds are deciding my mood, water is whispering to me and I know when a certain piece of furniture has something personally against me - to mention a few things. This isn't figuratively speaking, in my world that is real and literally.

01:12
So strange... I don't feel tired or sleepy or drowsy at all. Yet I haven't had a single mg of caffeine in over three hours. It wears off fast for me. Kicks in with full power immediately and then wears off about half an hour to an hour later. I don't know if it's fun or just saddening to count the hours of being awake at this point, but I'm up at 83 hours now. I wonder if I'll reach 100, which is slightly over 4 days. A week is 168 hours. Good to know, and hope I won't go that far... would feel kind of devastated if I go to my psychologist appointment on Friday and tell her I've been awake since two o'clock in the afternoon on Sunday...