I'm falling apart. How the hell is this day gonna be? I'm supposed to wash my laundry in the afternoon and I already feel like a wreck drenched twice. I'm so damn cold, and just waiting for the temperature to rise is obviously not gonna give any result, it won't exceed 20 degrees just by itself. But at the same times I'm too warm, like feverish almost. Too damn much caffeine, I've exceeded the max limit dosage for 24 hours in 3 hours and more so. Almost twice that even. Aw, fuck my life...
Can I even call "this" a life? Feels like I'm on the railway station between reality and insanity, waiting to aboard one or the other train. For me it's not a thin line between those two polar extremes, it's a whole fucking world and I'm stuck in it. Though sometimes I step over completely into insanity, but I don't think I've ever completely been in reality.
Fuck, this shit is wearing me out, I don't wanna do this any more. I just wanna stop being scared of sleeping and being able to keep a circadian rhythm for once again in my life. This is ruining so much and I feel like shit for every hour that passes in this agony, for every night and counting that I've been awake for, until I completely lose conception of time (I had to count how many nights I've been up) and my body aches so much I can't even sit up straight. And I can't even tell if I need to eat cause I can't for the world remember when was the last time I ate or even if it's hunger that I feel somewhere in all this pain.
Still so many hours left... I can't eat. I haven't eaten in the gods know how many hours and I can't even get down a lousy pancake. Need to buy some nutrition shakes or anything. This is too much. I've cut down on the caffeine, don't need it any more, hunger and pain keeps me awake. Nervous breakdown bound to happen any day now... fuck everything damn it.
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