I hate the crew, the people that work where I live to help me out with, yeah, living. I try to really sneak away from my contact person (we can call her M), because I don't want help from her specifically, but my other contact person never calls or anything (we can call her H). If H is on leave without saying anything I swear to God I'm gonna fucking strangle the crew. You just don't do that. You tell people in need of them when they are or are not available. Soon I'm gonna snap and lash out again and tell that fucking woman (M) that I despise her and I want nothing to do with her ever again.
Just next time she calls I'll just say "Sorry no, I don't want your help. I don't like you." or something like that. Cause screw this fucking shit, I don't want people that I hate rifling around in my private home. Does anyone even understand that?! Am I somehow not making myself clear?! I'll be sure to do that on my official meeting with them on Tuesday. And try, really fucking try to be polite about it too. Cause seriously I'm so done with their bullshit.
They never listen to me. They just do what the fuck they want and when I try to steer them into the right direction they either ignore it or forget about it instantly. It's hard for me to speak up. I mean it, it is really fucking hard. So when I finally manage so summon up enough courage to stand up for myself... they just... no. It's just not okay. They're not supposed to do that.
They are meant as a support for when I need them, not as extra parents who tell me what to do and when. Somehow they must have missed that in their lack of education or something. I doubt they're educated in any way, just like psychiatric aides here in Sweden. I don't know what the fuck it takes to get that shitty job, but it sure ain't an ability to listen to and respect other people's needs.
I'm just so fucking done with them. I feel this strong urge to just completely lock them out from my apartment and to never ever invite them in again. Even if that most likely means that I'll suffocate in fumes from mould, never have any clean clothes, ruin my apartment in messes and cigarette smoke and die in an unhealthy living situation.
Sometimes... that would somehow be fucking worth it. That's how I feel about the crew now. I think they should just take their fucked up morals and shove them up where the sun doesn't shine and leave me the fuck alone.
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