More trans stuff. I've now been on testosterone for a little more than one year and fiiinally my acne is decreasing. Haven't notice much more far redistribution though I suppose I have to lose more weight for that to notice. I dunno. Getting all the more facial hair though, more upwards to my cheeks and I'm getting a tiny little soul patch that I can't shave because there's a piercing in the bloody way of it. So sooner or later I'm gonna have myself a soul patch, haha.
Also it's getting thicker and darker. I have very dark body hair in general (almost black), especially on my stomach, for some reason. Getting chest hair too, since not long after the surgery. Didn't have any indications of such hair growth before, so I can't help but wonder if there's a connection or a coincidence. Slowly and steadily, I think I'm becoming a cave man or something. Seriously, I never thought I would turn out quite this hairy...
My voice has not changed at all in these last six or seven months now, so it's decided to stay the way it is now. According to my mother, I apparently sound much like my father. Of course I wished to get an even deeper voice, but I'm not really complaining. I like my voice now, which is quite an upgrade from literally hating it, when it was female. My voice dropped years ago, fall 2010 when I self medicated. Then it dropped a little bit more when I got the real stuff last year, but mostly it just stabilised.
Is there anything more? Well, for the TMI part (cause I'm so good at it lately) it's still growing down there, which is to me kinda fascinating. Like how much bigger can I get? It's interesting... and important for the surgery I kinda wanna do. The bigger I am the better the result of it. Yeah, I still wanna do it, but I'm gonna handle that thought the way I was thinking right before I got my tattoo. Holding on to the thought that if I still want to have it in a month? In two months? In three months? And so on, until the time comes. It's just as much a permanent thing really, so I think it could be comparable that way.
Also, I did get more energy from when I started with testosterone. It's hard for me to really, uhm, notice the changes since I already had permanent changes from my first round of self medicating in 2010-2011. Like my voice and body hair.
But anyways, it's been a blast and the best thing that's ever happened to my body, except from the acne and extreme sex drive. Like oh my goood it's insane! And I have no one to do it with... as if I wanted to. I mean I can always find some other creep online if I was desperate enough (like that last time), but I'm not and I'm in love. Somehow that would be like I'd be unfaithful to him, if I go for another person, you know.
And I don't wanna be with anyone else than him. If not to mention my dysphoria that would be an instant problem with a perfect stranger. Someone who might not know how to handle an FtM. And not many people do, very few have had actual sexual experiences with FtM's. And also, every transguy is different in bed, so it probably wouldn't help much anyway.
Anyway. Some people say that you don't get any psychological changes from taking hormones, but that's not true in my case. I can't cry, or I couldn't for a whole year until recently, and that just must be from the hormones. I've sort of "toughened up" in lack of better words, cause I'm not actually "tougher" I just seem that way. Like I have that asperger thing that I can't show emotions, it's like it's become more like that.
That it could just be me and my personal development, but I don't think so. It changed the first time I was on testo, it changed back when I stopped and it changed again when I started again. Coincidence? I think not. I'm just rambling... it's half past four in the morning, you're not getting any more sense out of me tonight...
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