A few days or so ago, I took a midnight walk under the full moon. Kinda nice, huh? Except that I felt vastly unimpressed. People always say that nature is so beautiful and enchanting or whatever. But I'm not impressed by it. At all. Especially not when I don't feel so good. I'm unimpressed by nature on Earth because I keep comparing it with Naor.
Dancing and vibrating colours, fields of plant species you could not possibly imagine, forests so thick and literally alive. Cause every living thing, including flowers and trees had a soul, a persona of sorts. Not like animals, but there was certainly something truly special about them. The way they followed your movements or gasped in the wind.
When I was a child I used to try to find that in the nature in this world. Heard stories about fairies and trolls and what not, thinking that maybe it wasn't as dull as it seemed, if only I would look closer. I'm not saying that I stopped believing, but I never found any real magic in these forests. It was a disappointment, and I realised that this world really is dull.
When you have a real fantasy world so vivid to compare this planet to, not something you've read or seen in a movie, but from first hand experiences... this world, it loses all colour and fascination. It becomes so dull you don't even get impressed by Grand Canyon or the rain forests. It saddens me, that nothing in this world is beautiful enough. But I do see beauty, just not in nature. I see it in people and some animals. In what actually is alive on this planet.
People may gasp at the incredible view of a sunset while I yawn, but I gasp when I see K, or whomever I happen to be in love with at the time being. I have no love for nature, but I sure have for human beings. I notice though, that is saddens me that I can't appreciate nature when I'm around my family and they really do appreciate it. We don't understand each other at all when it comes to that.
It's like I want to be able to appreciate it, but I just can't. I know I'm not the only one feeling like that though, like a lot of people prefer city life instead. But I don't really like that either. Cities are dirty, smelly and too noisy for me. So what do I like? Well, the only settings I think I can really appreciate is indoors. Where it's warm and cosy, at least somewhat clean and I have everything I need there.
So yeah, I'm a true indoors person, so it's not so strange I don't even like going outside for even a minute. It's alright during the two or three months of summer though, because it's warm and bright. Otherwise, I'd rather just stay indoors.
So it's not that I'm depressed or anything because I don't want to leave my apartment, I'm just not impressed by the world outside of it. I have never been. The only reason I like to travel is because of seeing other people. Or changing to other indoors settings.
Does that make me terribly dull? I'm not much of an adventurous person that way, though those of you who know me, know that I appreciate other kinds of adventure. It feels weird, like yeah, I grew up on the country side but I hated every second of it. I truly did, haha. I suppose it's rare, to not be the slightest moved by the supposed beauty of nature. Sure I like looking at it sometimes, for a few seconds before I'm bored again.
I wish I could though, find beauty in it. That I could stop comparing it to Naor somehow. But it is what it is. I like people and I like cats, not trees and twittering birds. So I surround myself with what I do like instead. At the best of my ability, I should add. I'm picky when it comes to people, and I'm close to being a misanthrope, and the few that I do like live at least 100 miles away from me. So yeah, life gets kinda lonely. But better that than bad company, better that than being out in the nature.
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