Y, I will remember that you're here, no matter what. I know you wouldn't just leave me, not for anything but perhaps very good reasons. And I'm not giving you any such. If I have been too forceful, been wanting and needing to talk to you too much, I do apologise. But I think it's positive though, I know you may not feel it right now, but I do think we got some kind of spark between us now. I'll hold on to that, even in your absence.
Of all the shit I've gone through and experienced, I feel the need to say that depression was never really one of them. I only know as much about it, but in a way, I think I do understand you. Or I want to and maybe on some level that is something? I don't expect you to inform me, no not at all, (I can inform myself if not else), just know that I don't know all the shades of darkness, but I do still try my best to understand. I've only had mild depression in periods, and I may or may not have dysthymia.
However, I am still by your side no matter how deep down you are, and I want you to know that. I might still be missing your company, but I don't want you to think I'm demanding anything of you. I can for sure be selfish sometimes, I think you know that too, but I'm not only selfish, if that makes any sense?
Also, just seeing that you like my posts on tumblr is indeed a comfort for me. That might not seem much to you, but it does warm me and is enough of a reminder that you're there, even though I technically don't often need reminders. Sometimes I do though, and I'm glad for every single one I get.
I hope you survive your depression, I really do. But no matter what, I want to be there with you too, if you want me to. I don't mean that it has to be direct and talking, it could just as well be indirect too. I'll keep writing to you even if I don't get much replies, cause I think I still have things I want you to know, and sometimes I just want to tell you this and that for not much of a specific reason. I see it as I'm simply including you in my life as much as I can. Just sharing things with you, even if you don't respond with as much, still means something to me, and I know it means something for you too.
Always doing my best to be your support, these days I really do. Because it doesn't at all feel like it's something I just "should" do because that would be what a decent friend does, no, but because I want to, need to and just can't stop doing. I care about you, more than I could truthfully say that I did before, back this summer, spring and before. But yes, I know you have to let it consume you, I would have done exactly the same.
You know we share the same knowledge when it comes to that, to be consumed by our darknesses... it's the only way to conquer them. And I know you will, eventually. I don't know how long it will take, I have no idea when it comes to time, but I know you'll come out even stronger, wiser and braver. You have it in you. You might not believe it yourself, but I do. I really do.
Putting myself aside for a while, you're still in my mind and heart.
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