This is worse than anxiety, cause that I could control or manage through various self destructive means. But this... this sadness completely overwhelms me and I can't do anything about it. It feels like I'm drowning and like I don't know how to swim.
I just sit here and stare at a picture of K, just gaze into his still and lifeless eyes. For a fraction of a second, he looked in to that camera, then posted that picture and then no more. It's a moment of the past now, and how I cling to and hold on to the past. When things were better. When we used to talk, almost every day.
And now there's been a month without as much as one word from him. I've tried to talk to him, I've said things; nice things, compliments, just wondering how he is, just saying hi, stuff like that; but he never once replied back to me. I don't know what to do. Tomorrow it's exactly a month since our last conversation.
I feel like a ghost, lost without his presence. I keep wanting my cigarettes to last forever and I hate this pain inside my heart. Is it breaking, is it breaking once again? Please, I just need to hold on a little longer. And I swear, that if he ever talks to me again, I'm gonna cry real tears for I have missed him more than I can even begin to fathom.
I cannot cry, my heart has forgotten how. Because sadness is such a crucial part of my life, shedding tears has become pointless. I have no tears left to cry, and I don't know why. Forgive me my love, but if you leave me, I cannot stay.
No comments:
Post a Comment