Restless

I don't start over, I change the direction from where I already am. I'm listening to Lady Gaga's "I like it rough" over and over. Just changing from one song to another, a week at a time. I so wanna see through the movie "The number 23" which I have already seen three or four times, but I just can focus and Anna keeps repeating "do you even watch the movie?" I don't know, a little. I'm so tired. Tired is a good word, isn't it? It can be used as an excuse for almost anything that makes you feel drained or down. Be it depression, being irritated, sadness, hopelessness, absent minded introvert behaviour, acting like jerk, had a little too much to drink, upset in any way, depressed, hurting...

I use it as an excuse everytime, but it doesn't mean that I'm lying, cause it's also the truth. I'm tired a lot. Tired when I wake up, tired before I have eaten, tired after I've eaten, tired before I go to bed, tired when I feel happy, tired when I feel like crap. I'm almost always tired, that's why it's so hard to go to sleep. Especially since I'm usually more tired getting up than going to bed.

I'm a lot more tired now than my usual day-time tired, yet I can't go to bed. Why can't I go to bed? It might have something to do with stress. It's easier somehow for me to go to sleep in time when I don't need to, but freaking impossible when I need the sleep. Right now I'm hooked up on the trip to Huddinge and that's probably why I feel so damn restless tonight. Not ADHD restless, but something's crawling and tickling inside my body and a weird undefineable emotion is controlling the thoughts in my mushed brain sort of restless.

Just turn off the computer, get up, turn off the lights, brush your teeth, undress and lie down in bed for fucks sake. How hard can it be? With this tiredness I'll fall asleep instantly anyway. What is my problem really?