Philosophy

I'm suddenly finding myself questioning everything that I before just thought was a little odd, or something I just had the talent for noticing. Little things, which it really doesn't matter if they are really real or not. Like when I sometimes feel that the cigarettes tastes like caramel while I'm holding my breath with the smoke inside me. It always surprises me and I'd like it to stay, but it never does. How can I feel any taste while holding my breath anyway? Isn't that like scientifically impossible? And normal cigarettes aren't supposed to taste anything but tobaco, except for small differences between brands, but certainly not caramel. So that's probably not real, but I never thought about it like that before, in terms of real or imaginary. I feel the taste, therefor it's real in my world. Picasso's quote "everything you can imagine is real" somehow comes to mind. I really like that quote.

Speaking of imagination, I finally found the director's cut version of "Donnie Darko" and I am watching it right now. Well, I took a break to write this, but still. Suddenly things make more sense in this senseless movie! They've deleted many important scenes and things I just wanted to know about out of curiousity. Like that they show short passages from Roberta Sparrow's book "The philosophy of time travel" and I suddenly understand why Donnie keeps dreaming about water, that the element of water holds a specific significance to the movie. Probably also why he flooded the School, come to think of it. Damn those who cut those scenes out! Couldn't they have cut something else out instead? Something pointless like the smurf-scene or when Samantha and her friends talk about feces? I don't know, but it's still my favourite movie.

Still trying to figure out a deeper meaning behind it, though I know even the director has no real clue what it's about. It's just what I do, analysing things to bits. If I could have that as a profession I'd be stinking rich! Analysing as a thought process, not through microscopes. Sometimes I wonder why I do that, but today it's pretty clear to me: by doing so I solve things, problems that I've been carrying around for a long time, until finally an answers pops up. I get new perspective of things, and by looking at something in all possible angles, you may not understand it, but you sure know what it looks like. That usually takes years of thought grinding though.

Speaking of this as a profession, maybe I could sell the answer to the question about the meaning of life? You know, since I do have the answer. I remember I got the answer in a dream when I was a kid and then I had forgotten it when I woke up in the morning. I was sooo very furious, that I started to search for it, to find it again. It took me about ten years to find it again, but the important thing is that I did find it! Now I'm not even sure that the answer I have today is the same that was given to me as a child, but I believe that it is. From what I have noticed, people don't seem to want the answer, though. I'm not sure what's up with that. Perhaps it's because the question is so stigmatised and overly overrated (it really is) that when I come by with the answer people don't want to know it. Maybe they don't believe me, that I'm for real, or they are so wrapped up in the stigma believing there is no actual answer to the question. Which would be absurd, if you ask me. Why? Because evey question has an answer. And just because you don't want to believe in the answer doesn't make it untrue.

I read somewhere, possibly in some science magazine, that some researchers are figuring out (kind of finally) that over thinking isn't only a bad thing to do, that it might actually lead to something. I'm with them on that! Can't help but thinking why it took so damn long for them to figure that one out though. Can't help but wonder why it took me 24 years to figure it out either. I mean I'm not exactly the only one who has accomplished something from over thinking. Just one word: philosophers. All the great philosophers, wasn't that exactly kind of what they were doing? Kind of exactly what I'm doing? "Are you saying you're a "great philosopher"?" I didn't mean to, and that was Anna's words by the way, but now I see that's sort of what it looks like. Freudian slip, perhaps. Well, who knows, maybe someday.