Telling my mother

So not what I needed. Apparently my psychologist is sick and my appointment tomorrow has been cancelled. I really do hope she'll feel better by our next appointment next Friday, but yeah, how am I supposed to be able to contain myself for an entire week? I needed her and she just gets sick?! So not okay. And no I know this isn't even remotely close to being an emergency of any kind, rather the opposite actually. But I'm just filled to the brim with all these thoughts and feelings that I can't sort out and I don't know what to do.

I just told my mother, and she didn't react at all as badly as I feared she would. It is indeed a sigh of relief. Of course she reminded me of all the things that could go wrong but I just said I can't do much about it in that case. Just try to handle things as well as I can if any of that happens. But, she didn't seem entirely against it. I told her I've been thinking about this for the past 3 years and everything she mentioned I had already thought of, one way or another. She said also that it would be interesting for her to know what my psychologist will say about this, what her reaction would be, and I promised I would say all that I could about it, haha.

And she said she wouldn't take care of my my child for me and I was just like, no you lay off my kid. And we talked a bit about me not having a partner and I said I think it could potentially be at my advantage to be single cause I always end up in bad relationship and having a child with first best partner could end up in a disaster. I don't know if she agreed to that or not. And then we talked about the biological clock or what's it called in English, that it's just a part of being human or something to eventually want children.

I told her I had tried to just focus on the surgeries/operations I want to do and forget about this but I couldn't. It's what I truly want. And I'm so glad that she recognises me as an adult and that in the end it's my decision.

Okay I'm just waiting for my coffee to have effect but it doesn't so I'm gonna end this here cause I'm simply too damn tired to continue writing.