Minute by minute

I'm waiting to break down completely. But maybe I won't, maybe I'm too used to this? I don't know what's gonna happen. I should have tried to talk to him more, then maybe this wouldn't have shocked me if I had known what was going on. But I knew. I saw the signs on tumblr and facebook but I tried to just block it out, cause they've been "cute" together before without it having meant something.

But it did mean something, and now they're back together. If I survive this, I'll try for a child instead and forget that my broken heart even exists. Maybe by the fall I'll be off hormones, maybe I could get pregnant sometime in the beginning of next year, if that's still what I want.

I'm shutting off right now, going away from tumblr and facebook to avoid them both and their flirting. I can't deal. My jealousy was valid and not just me being lovesick. I can't deal, I just can't deal with this. I'm obviously meant to be alone, I know that now and I'll stop trying for love. Enough is enough, goodbye K.

I'll love you always, but I won't wait for you anymore. It's obvious you don't want me that way, and although it hurts like hell, I'll just have to respect that. I can't even say it's been fun loving you, it's just been hard, but I don't regret anything. You're amazing.

I don't know if you will ever know now, or if I'll ever tell anyone else who the pseudonym "K" stands for. Love was never for me, and I know that now. Perhaps I can live without you, I hope so, but we'll see. I can't give out empty promises, but right now, I'm not gonna try anything. Let's just take it day by day, or minute by minute.