Only the echoes remain

I stay alert for the smallest change. And nothing can take my thunder away. Count to ten, count back to one. Another cigarette, I'm out of booze. I could have been someone, I could have been something, it would have been easy to die for you. Music turned up to the loudest screams. Holler at me, I can't hear you. I'm going deaf for an infatuation I can't uphold. It's burying me all over again.

As tiredness struck me from within, I lay waste upon every tear I couldn't cry. But I cried yesterday, just when dusk hit the small village. They never ran over, my tears, but they were there. Could have been the make-up or the cigarette smoke though.

I'm cradled by Zyprexa, other pills setting in too quickly. Lergigan, Mirtazapine, can't you wait? Just a little longer, I'm getting too tired to think. The night holds me tight and I wish to stay under it, protected by the darkness, scared of my jaded heart.

And it's passed on to hurting everywhere. I hoped to get just one more chance but your reality hit my heart. Will I try to make it stop beating cause everything is falling apart. I ascend into the faulty of my subconscious mind, and descend into another bottomless hole or is it the same one?

For only fractions of seconds I can stand it without feeling the weight of my heart. Only in glimpses, only in fragments scattered across my living room floor. I loved you with all my heart and soul, I cannot choose a path without you. But alone, I shall wander. Aimlessly, forsaken for the last time.

Cold. I'm so cold inside where everything happens. Slamming against my ribs, pounding against my skull, I feel nothing but an overwhelming sadness. It's crushing me. Like an insect under a sturdy combat boot. Splash, smash, crack. I wither in my soul, homesick for a home that is two eyes and a heartbeat. Two arms wrapped around me.

And I was always too far away, and disconnected when I wasn't. And you were always so far away and distant when you weren't. All my previous laughters, now only the echoes remain. Soundless you are, gone am I already. And I can't find a way, not to drown in all this pain.

I got lost in a wilderness that my heart brought me to. Once I believed in true love, that I could get it someday. Now only echoes remain, only echoes remain.


Echoes
Soundless you are, gone am I already
and I've been haunted by a cruel joke
I thirst for a knowledge that'll harm me
clutter my mind with words I never spoke

I'm despondent and can't stay here anymore
so drag me away, pull me closer
and all that happened was always meant
for of course you chose her

Colour me grey and dull to match my eyes
the stars are mad tonight
chasing comfort in the dancing dark
I'm out of reach, out of light

Staggering through the mist lying thick
faded for another chance to explain
Of all the laughter and soothing melodies
now only the echoes remain