As if I was human

Oh. My God. I just started on a Dala inspired drawing and made the absolute most perfect expression on Caspian's face. I am in awe. The expression on my own demon self got close to perfect too, and I kinda captured Kazanndra's silliness quite alright too. So much perfection in the same picture. Hope I won't destroy it when I get to inking it though...

I've been going back to Dala in my mind recently, I miss it too much, the life I had back then. I miss Caspian and Kazanndra and my true form. How perfect everything was, and I hope that I can capture some of that in this drawing. The love between the demon and the elf and then the dragon kinda photo bombing the picture. Ah, yes. Those were the times, those really were the times.

Maybe someday I'll pick up writing my story about Dala too. It's a bit fiction, made up events and such, but the characters, the scenery and environment were all real once so long ago. It's my first "fantasy" novel kinda, or if it's a longer short story, I'm not sure. Maybe like a short book?

It's packed with magic, fantasy creatures (not a single human being or any other "real" creature, not even horses, haha) and trying to describe that world in an understandable and not too cluttered way was hard. I named it "Lost in paradise" from one of my favourite songs by Evanescence which makes me think about Dala. Amy Lee sings: "I've been believing in something so distant, as if I was human" in the first line of the song and I think it just captures it so right. Right into my heart and soul and I can't stop the chills.

When the musical frisson covers my entire body it's the closest thing to magic I can achieve in this world. Back in Dala, real magic was something that I took for granted. And flying. I had big and bat-like wings that could literally take me anywhere I wanted. I was not bound to the laws of physics. Not at all compared to how it is now. I was not only capable of flying and bending matters to my own will by magic, I was lithe, strong and good at mind control, smart, very wise, powerful and the whole world was at my feet.

And although I hate my life here and this world in comparison, living here has taught me one thing above all else: to not take things for granted. It may not last forever. It didn't last forever before, the things I value in this life will certainly not last forever since I am not immortal here. I wouldn't want to, I'm glad that this life comes with an expiration date.

Eternity on Earth? I can't imagine a more horrible thing. I want my eternity back in Dala, and I will do everything differently if I ever get to return. I will shower my loved ones in love like never before, I'll feel everything that world has to offer and appreciate it even more. Cause even ancient souls can change, I believe that every living being is at a constant change for as long as their souls exist.

I had a hell of a lot of lessons to learn when I came here and I believe, not only according to my prophecy, that the lessons are slowly reaching their end. I think that I've learned most of what I came here for, and not much more is left. And I know that I'll only stay here for as long as I have to. Maybe K abandoning me puts me back on track again. I wasted 2 years loving him, maybe I can somehow move on and take up those lessons again. Get this shit done with. Wait for Caspian again instead of falling for human beings.