Unpopular opinions

The same gambling/lottery company called me again today, wanting for me to participate. That's the second time they call me this year. They usually call me once a month or so. I'm so sick of their bullshit. Usually I just hang up on them, but this time I told them "I'm not interested in Postkodlotteriet (their company), stop calling me." before hanging up on them. I never got anywhere trying to reason with them, they just keep trying to coerce me no matter what I say.

That's why I just hang up on them these days. They're not listening. No I never give in or act like I'm unsure. I'm very firm with showing my complete lack of interest. I'm always calm and don't raise my voice or let it fade. I don't show any emotion except from being annoyed, but not angry. I try to be clear, but they just don't get it. I keep wanting to completely lash out on them, being mean and aggressive and threatening, just to release the pressure that they've built up within me. I wouldn't feel bad about it, but somehow I'm worried about it having consequences. But are they not harassing me?

Is it even illegal to threaten them and call them every single nasty derogatory word I can possibly think of? Somehow I'm unsure about that. If I don't go as far as to death threats. Not that I could go through with anything such anyway. Can't blame me for being pissed off by their persistence and refusal to stop calling me. I have no obligation to give into their scams.

They're being dishonest and trying to lure me into a trap, they want me to think that by giving them my money it will lead to me winning lots of money. I'm really not that stupid, or gullible. Of course I know I could maybe win money, but it's far more likely I'd just lose the little money that I do have. They're the ones who are immoral and cruel. They're the rich, nation famous company trying to squeeze more money out a kinda poor, lower middle class citizen, for their own fortune and winning. Surely me harassing them back is just what they deserve?

If, or rather when, they call me again, I won't be so kind and calm. I'll unleash my darkness onto their own morally corrupt asses. Let's see who's actually the darker one. I hope I'll scare them back to the rock they came from. Or at least scare the one person calling me. Maybe he or she could at least get a bad day and start questioning their choice of career. Am I being cruel for wanting to hurt a person on a personal level because of their job, or am I actually somewhere having rather good intentions because by doing so I might be able to even "save" that person from their poor life decisions if they realise their mistake? Doesn't matter much to me though.

I never said I gave up darkness too. I switch between light and darkness, choose both. I don't care about redemption or being a good person, however I don't strive for being a bad person either. I give into some of my darkness when it suits me, but I'll also carry light with me. Will it then, by doing cruel things to other people who may or may not deserve it, make me a bad person still, even though I'll also keep doing kind and caring things to an equal or even greater amount? I know most people seem to believe that darkness weighs heavier than light, that in order to keep balance it still somehow has to be more light than darkness and one has to want light more. But I'm not like that. For me, balance means it should be equal, and that it's perfectly okay to want both just as much.

Most people don't truly want that kind of balance, it seems. What they want is to be accepted for their unwanted darkness and praised for their wanted light. They think that they're balanced simply because they carry both light and darkness. But how can it be actual balance if you don't regard and treat them equally? In my world it can't. In the future, I want to hold my darkness in one hand and my light in the other, holding them both at the same level, holding onto them just as firmly, and use them both equally. Merged and separated, both just as wanted and important. That's the kind of balance I want. That's why I chose to not follow either the path towards light or darkness anymore.

I'm making myself a checkered, or grey path, kind of. Right now it's mostly checkered, but there's some grey in between. One step on a black square, one step on a white square, sometimes I step on the grey. I know it's not morally or ethically right, or politically correct, it's probably not even something spiritualism would approve of, but I don't care about approval from anyone else than myself. I know not even Satanism would approve of it. Doesn't matter to me. I see Satanism as a guide and comfort, not as my ruler or a concept I need to follow down to every last detail.

Is it just because I willingly chose my religion, that it somehow means I need to approve of literally everything about it? Does that hold me to a higher standard? Look at people of other religions, doesn't matter which one. Are they all just buying everything about their religions? No, they're not. If for example a Christian who firmly believes in and loves his god, and thinks his religion is right for him, but he doesn't think that everything it stands for should be blindly followed or not questioned, does that make him a hypocrite or does it make it wrong to call him a Christian? Or does it simply make him a fairly sane and reasonable person who doesn't just blindly follow the other sheep? Then would it make a difference if he was born a Christian or if he converted into it as an adult, no matter what his position was before? Does it make a difference if it was Islam that was his religion instead? Or Buddhism, or Satanism? Do we hold people to different standards depending on the religion, or how they got into our beliefs?

There are a wide variety of ways a person can relate to their own religion and it's not just an "all or nothing" -kind of thing. Some are very much extremists, highly devoted and do take it all no matter what. But there's nothing saying that I need to be an extremist in order to call myself a Theistic Satanist. All I need is to believe in Satan, accept and choose him as my one and only god, make a pact with him, and choose to have Satanism as my one and only religion. That's it. That's all. And I meet all those criteria. I have every right to question and disagree with some aspects of it. It doesn't make me "unworthy" of my religion in any way. And I don't think you'd want for me to just completely accept and agree with absolutely everything there is about Satanism either. Cause if you think about it, that would most likely mean I'd lose myself for that belief. I'm sure you don't hold the same high standards for other people who follow other religions. But if you do, well, that's sad.

I'm not trying to change whatever you do believe though. I just thought I'd give you my view on things, so maybe you'd understand how I see it. And maybe also open your eyes a bit, if I can. But it's up to you if you choose to look further or not. I am very much approving of all kinds of religions, I fight for the right to freedom of religion. I often end up in discussions with people where I state my belief that everyone should have the right to believe whatever they do believe, and no one should try to change another person's belief because they think it's wrong or stupid or whatever. And I really hate all the Islamophobia that's very much on the rise in today's society. I know I've definitely made sure that my Muslim friends know that I have absolutely nothing against their beliefs and that I don't they they're doing anything wrong, and that I don't think they're bad people in any way because of their beliefs. I know they're worried, often hesitant to express their beliefs, out of fear. I don't want it to be that way. I want them to be able to feel safe.

Yeah I've been starting to kinda slip into some kind of slight activism as of lately. Me? Into activism? Said I keep surprising myself all the time. However I'm very careful about it and it's still a process. Mostly it's just me being more openly accepting and protective, but it has started to go further than that. Slowly raising my voice to defend other's rights. Slowly slipping into online activism. It's not just about religion, but it certainly is one of my main aims, or topics. I think I still do more for the LGBT community though. And I'm sure that the rise of SJW's is what started my sudden need and wish to involve myself more.

It's not just on tumblr and youtube now. It's not just in America. It's started here in Sweden as well. I worry a lot about what's gonna happen, especially to the trans community. I sense it's splitting in half, and fighting against itself, fighting its own members, and it's getting brutal. I think it can become quite a disaster if something's not being done about it. I know it's the only community I've ever really cared about, even though I'm not so active in it anymore. And I want to somehow help rebuilding it again, but I don't know how. If I should choose side and fight for it, or try to take on the role as a peace-maker instead. It doesn't really matter that I stand up more for one side than the other, I could still fight for peace between the two, or a solution, if that would be the better option.

Yeah, my position is firmly anti-SJW, but that doesn't mean I want to eradicate them or just brutally throw them out of the trans community, at least not if there could be a better option than to try to go about it that way. I don't think violence should be the first thing I go for. I know they have rights too, even though they're freaking insane, stupid, ignorant, hypocrites and violent bullies. Although it's still interesting to me, that despite me leaning mostly left, I somehow stand with the anti-SJW's who are almost all leaning to the right. Conservative and often truscum, some trans, others cis. It's the SJW's who lean left. That does make me feel weird, but I think it also says a lot about how "too much of a good thing" actually has a lot of a point here. Yeah I'm leftish, but not THAT left, or that kind of left.

And also, where my own political stand point is or isn't, is far less important to me than to try to help the trans community, or prevent it from falling apart. Me being left leaning though, is my secondary political opinion, meaning I firstly say no to all leanings. I'm an anarchist and want no government or criminal justice system. I'm an eye-for-an-eye kind of person. I want a society where everyone fights for themselves and lives for themselves, without judging others or trying to decide over anyone else. Letting people be as kind or corrupt as they are. Total freedom and equality. Make everything legal, but make it also legal to take out revenge personally. That's the kind of world I want to live in. Yes, certainly more dangerous and chaotic, but I really don't think it would be a total mess.

I do see that my actions do reflect my beliefs on this. There's a reason I never reported my rapist, for example. Cause I do think his freedom is important, just like mine, and everyone else's, no matter what he did to me. I'm very against the criminal justice system and that there are any laws at all. It doesn't matter if people break those laws on me, it doesn't change my beliefs or actions. I never have reported a crime in my entire life, and I never will. I will never witness for a crime. I will never help bring a criminal to "justice". Because it goes against my beliefs. Yeah I might lose friends and family members over it someday. I'm aware of that.

But just as much as I won't tell a very dangerous and violent anti-Satanism person that I'm really not a Satanist as a way to protect myself because that would go against my beliefs too, or with me being gay and trans facing a dangerous trans-/homophobe. Just as much I can't be responsible for helping convicting a criminal even if that criminal hurt someone I care about and that someone wants me out of my life because of my actions. I stand up for what I believe in, foolishly. But I don't go around and preach about it. Meaning I don't go around and say what I think without having a specific and important reason to, however whenever faced with the option to either lie or state where I stand, it's obvious to me what I need to do. Whether or not it could put me in danger shouldn't matter.

So that left and right bullshit isn't anything I truly stand for. It's a bargain, a convenience-choice, meaning I chose left over right cause it's the least shitty of the two. When I really don't stand for either, nor do I stand in between. Cause there really isn't anything else I can choose when it comes to elections of who gets to rule the state/country. I can't choose anarchism when I vote. However I need to stop saying that I'm really left-winged when that's just something I go with for convenience's sake in certain situations and not something I believe in or live by. Like if lunch every day is soup or pancakes and I don't want either, or to starve, so I just have to pick one. So just because I always go with pancakes doesn't mean I actually want it.

So maybe that's why I so easily make friends and enemies equally on all sides of that spectrum. Cause in the end it's all just bullshit to me. Yeah I have friends who are communists, and I have friends who are fascists, liberals and conservatives. Some are gay or trans, others are cis straight and on our side, some are cis straight and homophobic transphobes. I think there's even a neo-nazi somewhere among my friends, however we don't have much to talk about, but I respect and accept him regardless. I also heavily dislike people in the same categories.

I know I had a pretty strong reaction to your latest post on facebook. I couldn't agree with your choice to exclude people as potential friends based on their political views and personal beliefs. However I chose not to show that reaction. I don't like starting fights and intense discussions, especially on topics I know are very difficult for me to explain my position on and that I'm very likely to just get hate for no matter how I go about it. I'm really not that masochistic.

I understand why you made that choice however. I'm not stupid. I know it's easier for me to blend and mix with people no matter where they stand and what they think of my stand point. It's easier for me cause I haven't really faced many violent people regardless of their opinions. So that's also a reason for why I didn't speak up. But just to clarify that part about me having homo- and transphobic friends: I wouldn't consider them friends if they had any intentions to harm me. Not all people who don't think trans is real and thinks gays are gross would act out violence on people who are gay and/or trans. Most of them are just talk and no action. Those are the ones I can consider potential friends, if we click on other aspects of who we are. I don't agree with them, but I still think they have a right to their own opinions. I even stand up for their opinions.

I do clearly remember I had a classmate in gymnasium (I was 20 at the time, he was 18), whom I did consider my friend at the time, although we did drift apart after I graduated. He didn't often express his opinions, but sometimes he did. He was racist, homophobic and really had a thorn in his side about me being trans. But he never did anything bad to me. We just mutually accepted that we had stuff we didn't agree on, and then continued discussing video games.

One time however, we and our other group of friends in that class (one of my little "cliques" at the time) were at a bus stop waiting for the bus to take us to the centre of the city from our school, and we somehow ended up in an argument with some strangers there. My friend at the time was basically hushed, harassed and pushed down for his shitty opinions, but I opened my mouth and fought for him. I stood up for him. I fought for his right to hate on black people, gay people and trans people.

I don't know many people who would ever do such a thing. In fact I don't think I know anyone else who has, not anyone I know personally at least. That is however my take on everyone's right to freedom of speech. That's why I did that, and I would do it again in similar situations in the future. It has nothing to do with my own views and opinions on racism or those "phobias". It has everything to do with my opinion on freedom. Of course it wasn't an easy thing to do, of course I was scared and worried about the consequences of my actions. But I know it was right, I know it was a huge thing. And it's something I'm very much proud of that I found the courage to do. And I know that the look my friend at the time gave me after that argument was over and the strangers left is what makes it such an important thing to have done. A look of surprise, relief and gratefulness.

He didn't say anything, but I remember his eyes fixed on me and and a very slight nod of appreciation. I think he did understand what it meant, what had just happened, but that he didn't quite understand why I had done so. I don't think I did either at the time. I just knew it was exactly what I wanted and needed to do.

I feel I have to explain why exactly I'm so very against SJW's. It's not because of their beliefs and opinions. I don't care that they think they're non-binary even though I think it's bullshit, I don't care that they think they're oppressed even though they're clearly not, I don't care about that they think other people's sexual preferences are discriminatory, or that they think all women are always oppressed and hated by all men.

What makes me so against them, is only their actions. That they somehow got new laws on their side, entire education systems as well, they've impacted freedom of speech negatively, they've started to make cis people believe that that's how all transgender people are and have already made it more difficult for a lot of trans people to get medical help to transition, they're violent and abusive towards those that don't agree with them simply because they don't agree, they shove down their own beliefs down other people's throats because they think they're right. That's what makes me flip the fuck out.

I have no idea how far they will go. I don't want to see how they'll continue to affect society negatively while just sitting back and watching. I just have this gut-wrenching feeling within me about this whole damn thing that I just have to put myself out there and do something. However I act carefully and try to become less opinionated and more educated so I won't regret any harsh decisions I may or may not make in the future. I know it's triggered something within me, something that wasn't even there before. A wanting to engage myself in human rights, to take part in society. I have no empathy, but I care more about the human race than ever before. No I definitely can't bloody keep up with myself.