I haven't written here for a while again, cause I've just been ranting the same thing over and over and it's killing me, yet I can't and won't stop. This disordered eating now takes up more space in my head than K does. It's constantly taunting me, for everything I eat, for every time I skip my exercise.
I'm trying out a new thing again, to count my calories and stay under or around 300 a day. Also take at least one long walk a day every day, and go to the gym for 30 to 60 minutes 2 or 3 times a week.
I had so much anxiety going to the gym today. I thought I was gonna die. But I did go there and burned 157 calories under a 30 minutes session on the stationary bicycle. I bought a gym card that I intend to use but we'll see how it goes. I'm not gonna lift any weights anymore, I don't want to gain muscle if it's possible to avoid. It would only make me look fatter and it won't help me actually lose weight.
I'm so tired today, but ate for 310 calories, but now it's been almost 12 hours since last I ate something. Gonna go to bed soon though, and weigh myself for the third time today. I now fit into every criteria of anorexia nervousa except that I'm not thin enough. Way to go... Anyways, I'll be back soon.
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