A part of me still believes this could be the best year of my life. I just barely dare to hope, that things may have taken a turn for the better, like all of a sudden. But I need to give it time, and so I will. I can't tell you yet, it's way too early to make announcements. But yes, something good has happened, good enough for me to still believe even though I might have gotten myself an eating disorder which may doom me for the rest of my life.
That is huge, but as I said, I only barely dare to hope. Treading carefully, oh so very carefully to not shatter the fragile happiness that may lie ahead of me. I haven't taken it in yet, have yet not absorbed the great news, just terribly confused yet I'm not. It's hard to explain. So I drown my confusion in my fairly new obsession and focus on that problem. Not instead, just more than on that.
Sometimes my thoughts turn back and it makes me smile as I cannot fathom it. I never thought it would happen, I thought it would never happen, even though my life depended on it. For a long time it did. Then I was almost close to starting to move on when this hit me. I'm never moving on now. Never.
I'm well aware of that my cryptic hints in this post might not be so cryptic after all, cause I have a sensation that you already know what I'm talking about. Yet I won't tell you. It's too soon. It's just starting to sink in, but I'm not there quite yet. Time will tell... about that too.
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