Working my mind off

So, I really ended up writing almost 20 pages in 24 hours yesterday and the night before yesterday in Grimston Estate. That is more than I had written in two years before. I'd say that is a pretty good flow. Now altogether counting in the 17 pages I had already written before, it's up at 25.014 (twenty five thousand fourteen) words to be precise. I'm gonna keep writing today as well, so we'll see how far I will come in the nearest future.

It helps me a great deal to not think about upsetting things, whatever those may be. I won't mention what those are, but I do have a lot of upsetting stuff going on in my mind right now. They come back when I'm not writing in my book. Sure I do basically write constantly, but not when I'm eating, going to the bathroom, writing this or trying to go to sleep, for examples.

I dreamed so much weird stuff tonight, probably because of my slight sleep deprivation before that. In one dream I kissed my sister passionately. When my mother woke me up from that I was like "my god, thank you thank you thank you!" really did not want to go back to that dream. Nightmare? Pretty fucking close to becoming one, at least. In another dream I dyed my now platinum blonde/white hair brown, close to my natural hair colour for a movie I was supposed to star in. Later in the same dream I started shaving off my hair instead, but regretted it while I was at it.

In a third dream I had done SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) and was very pleased with the results of it. Waking up from that I was like, damn I wanna do that! Like I think I want it, but not sure if it's worth the risks. I think the results that I've seen have been good, but mostly it's because of the risk of losing sensation or getting complications of various kinds that makes me hesitate. But that dream was a bit of an eye-opener, I think. At least I'll think about it some more, maybe actually reaching a decision sometime in the future. No need to hurry it of course, it's just that when I started my journey to become physically male, I thought I would have decided if I wanted SRS or not by now. It's been six years. And I thought it would take half that time.

Oh, by the way. I got a not from RR (Rättsliga Rådet) today about that they've gotten my application for changing my sex legally. So now I'll just have to wait... They are very busy over there so it can take some time, I've heard. But yeah, that's the update for now.