Okay just a quicky before I go to bed. What could I possibly write about tonight that I can actually put in this blog? Things happen but they're too private to be public about. Too much about K that I don't want to reveal. That I'm trying to get some courage to tell him, and trying to get us some time alone, which I almost think is harder. I can't even flirt with him when there are so many people around. Gah, it's really hard right now. Did I say too much? Probably, but as I said, that is what's going on and I don't have anything else to share. Nothing of importance or anything even resembling importance.
Do I have a chance with him? I still don't know. But there are vague indicators that could mean that I do. The way he's never rough with me like he is with his other friends. The way he's always showing care instead of joking around, I mean. The way he sometimes sits right next to me when there is plenty of room further away from me. Could also be that he just gives a damn about the fact that he's the only one among them that I know. The way he's always checking that I'm doing alright. The fact that we talk or chat almost every day and that I'm the person he talks to the most.
Indicators as to why I doubt is that he's never shown much affection apart from hugs when we meet and depart. That when I drop a hint he just seem to get really confused. That he doesn't talk so much with me in those crowds but with his other friends instead. The way we don't seem to have that much to talk about, and that he's holding back on what to tell me about himself. Maybe he just has trust issues, but I don't know.
So much is going on in my head as I'm trying to figure this out. I would just like to have a less vague hunch of if he's interested or not before I tell him. I wish I could tell more people about these pros and cons or what to say, to get a second opinion, to let someone else tell me if I might have a chance or if I'm just blinded by hope and wishful thinking. I don't know, but it wouldn't be such a great idea since for some reason I don't trust people to keep their mouths shut about it. Well, at least I only trust a few people to not spread it. And those, they know.
Me writing a quick update, that never quite works, now does it? I have to go to sleep five minutes ago so that I won't be so very tired tomorrow. Got things to do and such. It's almost 3:00 o'clock at the time writing this, so go figure, I'm up too late again. Just one last cigarette, and that I said five cigarettes ago. Just saying. I've drawn a bit lately, well still and again, a troll couple that I might photograph and upload somewhere and that will most likely be tumblr. I got pretty satisfied with them, you see.
By the way, have I not given you my tumblr url yet? It's: "sensitivedemonboy" and you can follow me if you want. I'd be glad if I got more followers and I have nothing to hide there. Mostly I just reblog goth inspired pictures/gif's, post my poems and a random status up-date sometimes.
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