My heart in my work

I didn't realise how hard it would be to keep the whole book to myself while writing it. All my thoughts about the storyline and especially the ending. It's like it's gonna explode inside of me... Almost as if it was something that's happened to me, but that's not even close to true. Well, some parts, here and there, but the ending has got nothing to do with my own pathetic life. It's not the storyline itself that makes me crumble, it's my thoughts about it. How I feel when I'm writing it. How it tears me up and excites me, amuses and scares me. The whole range of human emotions lumped up in a mess regarding an imaginary world that I won't let anyone visit until it's complete.

My thoughts about my writing are greater than the 63 thousand words I've written so far in it. Can you believe that? It's up 90 at pages now (yeesh, almost 100!), which is 28 chapter and everything is still going fine. I have a bit of can't stop writing nonsense in the note pad kind of thing going on right now, but I've almost finished two chapters already today.

I told my contact person of the crew about my book today, as I finally got around to accept her help in my messy apartment. She seemed excited about it, and agreed to that it's actually a lot of work behind it as well, and not just fun and games. I don't know if she just said that to make me happy though, that it's her job to be polite and like her work at the best of her ability. I am her job, after all.

I just learned a new word today: omnisciently, which means that you have complete or unlimited knowledge, awareness or understanding. Like an omniscient god, for example. I learn a lot of new words as I try to find better ways to present my characters ways of thinking and feeling. Broaden my horizon and making the reading and writing more interesting. Cause I can just never become good enough in English, that's why.

Though my flow is very fast and effective while I write nowadays, I still get hooked up on words, tenses of words, spelling mistakes and incorrect grammar. Mostly I just let it slide though. Deal with it later. What's important now is that I get the damn story down on paper and not how good my English is.

Anyways, back to work now. Can't be slacking around for the rest of the day and upcoming night. Gotta write at least one more chapter while surviving on only coffee and cigarettes, and possibly a sandwich if I can't deal with the hunger. I have cashew nuts as well. I'll be alright, compared to my main character Kian who is at the brink of starving to death. Onto that now...