Running wild

For how long can I do this, how long? I still "need" to lose more weight and it's been a year now and I still haven't reached my goal weight. So how much longer will I have to do this for? I miss pizza, chocolate and cookies, milk shake and ice cream.

And I hate walking and any kind of exercise and you know I only do it for that one reason. Not to be healthy cause anyone who knows me knows that health doesn't concern me. As long as I stay away from heavy drugs and alcoholism I really don't care what I do with my body or what happens to it. It's gonna wither away sooner or later anyway. Nothing lasts forever, certainly not our bodies.

Cause we're all gonna die from something, it's just a matter of what comes first. And I don't care if I die from some or all of my bad habits including being lazy as fuck. Sure it's good to stay in shape if that rocks your boat, but it just doesn't rock mine, you know what I mean? I'm only trying to be somewhat healthy to lose weight, that's all it's about. Eating vegetables and taking walks isn't exactly my cup of tea, but I do it anyway. Cause what else am I gonna do?

Frankly I'm getting tired of it by now. It's become a boring routine and I yearn to break out from it. But I just want to reach my goal this summer so that I won't ever have to think about it again. All I want to think about is to stay that way after. And that's the easy part, if you ask me. Yes I'm angry, I seriously didn't think it would take this long and I'm losing my patience. I've become lazier lately, skipped my walk for almost a week and ate some sweets around Midsummer's. Careful not to gain weight, but not so careful that I would lose any.

I don't know what to do, cause I don't think I can do this much longer. Five more kilos and then I'm done. Just five kilos, how hard can it be? I wish I could have one of those weeks again, when I just rapidly lose weight for no reason. These long periods of nothing happening are driving me crazy. If only I knew what to do. Thinking of going radical and run instead of walking. Running and starving intensively for just a week or two, see what happens. Desperate, so fucking desperate.