Night time tragedy

I'm up again, eating. Couldn't sleep, thirsty. For a cigarette, for things I don't have at home. Have some lemonade, have my medication. 2 pills for my sleep, 1 pill for my mood. Why doesn't borderline count as a mood disorder? It's pretty fucking much effecting my mood. But I'm not even sure I have it, not truly. I think I have DID or some type of schizophrenia. Or just the worst case of PTSD with dissociation that has been going on for soon 17 years. I'm not well, I've never been.

"Night time tragedy
and I follow my roots
they guide me and bewilder me
under my boots

I'm up again, thirsty
for a calm that I can't find
I'm reckless, defenceless
a danger to my own mind

I feel so much
and it's degrading me senseless
I'm aching, yearning
for becoming timeless

I lose myself yet again
for dimensions that do not hold
Slowly dying
without the soul I sold

I panic and realise
that I can lose everything
but I value every moment with you
higher than anything

There's not a piece of me left
worth holding onto
So I sell my pride and live
only for you"

Just wrote it. I'm broken today, maybe you can tell? I don't know. I just miss him and I'm destroying myself. Don't know if that is tumblr material. I'm gonna try to get some sleep again, but I'll probably be up soon again. So I'll leave my computer on. I'll leave the light on. I'm really just too damn bored. And life doesn't interest me when I'm sober.