Okay... I was just about to do an extremely risky and stupid thing online. My mind just wasn't there, at all. I was bored to tears (not literally) and kinda started messaging this stranger at an online dating forum.
It all led to a role play thingy and I don't want to say what it was about (it's that bad, ok) but then suddenly the thought came up, what if it's a cop? And I just closed down the tab faster than the wind cause holy hell what the fuck is wrong with me.
So... that, I suppose, was just a glimpse on a part of my darkness. But I have to get it into my head that no matter what: don't fucking trust strangers online. One of my biggest fears would be running into a cop or something similar because of how I can sometimes behave online...
Cause I keep thinking it's safe, that it's just imaginary, just in the fantasy, nothing harmful about it, but then I realise. That's how they catch people like me, even though I have never committed such a crime. But my fear is still overwhelming. And maybe it should be.
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