Looking back

Falling in love with fictional characters might not be so uncommon these days. Maybe it was back in 2005. But can a fictional character break someone's heart? I just thought of it, something reminded me of the first time I fell for an imaginary person. Someone I saw in a nightly dream, no one I knew or any other way recognised from reality. Human, I might add, since most other fictional characters I've felt that way for are/were not humans. Maybe that's what's so alluring about them.

Cause in reality all I have to choose from to date is humans. How limiting! There just aren't any other highly intelligent humanoids of the like in this existence, (and I say "highly intelligent" to rule out apes and other such beings. I really hate monkeys by the way, I think they're disgusting and stupid. They are the only animal that I genuinely dislike, they even rank below mosquitoes).

News about my hair project: I have now seen the result of my sixth round of bleaching. After freeing it from my braid I sure look like goldie locks. Yeah, it's golden on the lengths now, fading to yellow and then to white blonde towards the roots. Slow progress...

I feel as though I'm avoiding my love. Am I really avoiding him? Cause I can't stop thinking about him, now more than ever he fills my head to the brim with thoughts every hour, every minute. Even when I'm doing stuff like playing WoW or embroidering, listen to music or watching a tv-show episode. So why would I want to avoid him? I think that will only make it worse. The thoughts, the feelings.

Like trying to put out a fire with gasoline, or better yet: setting another place on fire and hoping that fire will put out the first one. Fight fire with fire. Cause it kinda feels like I'm just creating more fires and making matters worse. But I don't know what to say to him, or how to say it. What needs to be said, what I need to have settled. Not talking about me being in love with him and all, no this is something else. I actually do talk to him (well, chat) every so often without difficulty, so it's not about shyness or anything. What it is though, doesn't matter. I'll keep that to myself.