I've been broken for far too long, just kept on tearing up the bleeding wounds, not given them a chance to actually heal. I think that it's time to stop running now. Let myself feel horrible, cause I do have a good reason for it, but without escaping or trying to flee from it. It's just a feeling, just a memory, it can't harm me.
I won't run today, just gonna sit here, let me feel that pain. Cause I know that running away definitely won't make it better. Sure it hurts, just seeing and reading all that commercial bullshit about this day, but there's nothing I can do about that. Society will always have that fucked up view about love, and it will always make people who don't fit that view miserable. And the celebration itself, is a constant reminder.
How can they do that, celebrate this awful day? Are they insane?! Oh, what does it matter what anybody thinks.
Hey, this day didn't turn out too bad after all. I was a bit upset for a couple of hours in the evening, but it has now passed and I watch a movie, embroider and play WoW, one after the other. Been trying to make my beard growth increase, with magic for a little while now. Hopefully it will work, but I can't be sure of course.
I'm still struggling with keeping up with my thoughts, and sometimes my mind just goes blank. No grey areas, no in betweens, it's just either or. I need a shower. I just have to shower just because of what day it is. Connecting with my ravaged body, or something like that. To reassure myself that it's actually in the past, that time has gone and won't come back, no matter how strongly it feels that way.
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