Unreality

Had this awful dream tonight. I was a Persian man in love with a woman who had been forced to marry him, by her family. I had noticed she was suffocating in our relationship, so I confronted her and told her that I wanted her to leave so that she could be happy. It was the most heartbreaking dream ever, and when I woke up I realised it reflected the feelings I have for my crush. If I had the choice to be with him even if he doesn't feel the same for me - or to never be with him so that he can be happy, what would I do?

I just don't wanna be in reality tonight. Not my twisted mind's reality, and not your reality either. I wanna be in an unreality, some place where it doesn't hurt. Where I don't have to wake up scared or sad and alone.

I was supposed to have laundry today, but my "morning" mood was really terrible so I let the phone calls from the crew go to voice mail and when they banged on my door I basically told them to piss off. I couldn't get my ass off to the grocery store today either, since I ignored all my alarms and stayed in bed until an hour after the store closed.

I have no motivation for anything, just wanna disappear. But I have to pack some stuff tonight for a little trip I'm going off for on Thursday. I'll do that later...