Emotional suicide. The strongest most intimidating feelings I push back and press down with all my strength, and all the other feelings I medicate away. Holding back screams, tears and laughter. I don't want to feel anything. Anything at all. I'm killing my feelings, crave for numbness and apathy, to not have a care in the world. Completely carefree, calm and disconnected.
Such is my goal, but I do realise that won't ever happen. I'm so tired. Tired of living and fighting for my life. Cause I am, you know. If I was to let go... I think I would die. Madness and agony the mind cannot endure, leading to actions with irreversible consequences.
Well, that's it for tonight. Can't keep up any longer or I will most likely face palm on the keyboard. Sleeping pills kicked in a while ago. So, bed time I guess.
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