The silence scared me as I lied in my bed, trying to get back to sleep. I've never heard such silence before, my breath takes was the only thing I could hear. So I went up at 3:30 in the morning. I like mornings now, cause I don't feel so much during that time. And that's why I didn't like them before, cause I feel like a zombie at dawn. But better a zombie than an emotional chaos of anxiety and sadness I can't handle.
For some reason I've been having nightly dreams about bleaching my hair blonde for a while now. It's not the same dream recurring, but different ones. I wonder what they mean. Probably that I want to change something in my life, trying something new in general.
But waking up wanting to become blonde is a bit weird. Like "Yeah I should totally bleach my hair! Oh, wait... it's gonna be tricky and probably damage my already damaged hair further. Though I kinda like having black hair... why would I want it blonde by the way? Oh yes, I don't. What the fuck was I thinking? Oh, weird dream..."
It's like I'm sort of still half in my dreams even after I wake up, that the bridge over to reality is blurred somehow. They're becoming more vivid, and it's harder to let go after I wake up. Not in a clinging sort of sense, but more like it's hard to tell if I'm still dreaming or not. That's been going on for like a month or so now, maybe longer.
My memory seems to be shorter than a second sometimes today. I'm like "Oh, yes! I'm going to... huh? No, now I reme... huh?" Seriously, I can't even finish half a thought before it's gone again. More confusing than annoying though.
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