I recognize my hearts existence once more. I try to tear it out, so want to tear it out. I almost thought there for a second it had healed/died, but so stupid of me. Hearts cannot heal, not if they're torn apart over and over before even getting the chance to redeem. The only way to stop feeling is to stop living. I should know that by now, I tell myself over and over. So much I'm supposed to know, but somehow always seem to forget.
I stared into nothingness for about two hours earlier today. My heart racing, breathing in steps fast and intense. Yet it wasn't really a panic attack, more like some sort of super intense anxiety.
I'm just ranting, ain't I? Can't find the words that I'm looking for, can't find the meaning in anything. Well, whatever. Guess that will have to do for tonight. Sleep tight.
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