Forcing my mind

"Through apathy I wade
don't dare to laugh or cry
hold on tight to my shade
I can't jump, but I hope to fly

Feigning sincerity
to ease your concern
forcing my mind to clarity
will I ever really learn?

I don't wish for joy any more
but I crave for an answer
Need to reach to my core
this emotional cancer

Once more I'm disrupt apart
into this world, this tragic time
I wanted to, from this life depart
but somehow life itself is sublime

And no matter how hard I try
I can't realise nor run away
but to keep forcing on this act of lie
I might just succeed one day"