So, today didn't have the best start even though I managed to get a couple of hours more sleep in the morning just before school. My headache is somewhere up at a 6, bordering to a 7 on a pain scale, I feel completely out of whack and my thoughts won't stop spinning. Everyone in my class got the assignment/question-thingy late yesterday that said "describe a situation in which you felt respected" and at school this morning everyone shared their stories except from me. Why? Cause I told the teacher that I was tired of discussing that issue and that I ignored the question/assignment.
Then when they asked me what I would be interested in doing with the class on one day at the holiday week (which is next week apparently) and I said I want to be left alone cause I need to rest. Also I declined participating in an art exhibition thing that I had said I was interested in before, but I said it was just too much for me right now so I decided to skip it. I'm increasingly trying to take better care of myself, rest as much as I can without entirely dropping out of school, and I just don't listen if anyone is against any of those decisions.
One classmate noticed my vibes or something today and she asked me how I was. I did tell her that I'm overstressed and emotionally shut off because of it, and she seemed to be understanding. I also talked a bit to other classmates mostly during cigarette breaks.
Aaaarghhh... of course there are troubles with my moving situation. So, my mother just made a phone call to Gotlandshem (the instance my new apartment is owned by, that I'd be renting from) and got some rather annoying news. My mother had been very clearly told this summer that if I wanted to get rid of LSS there was no way I could keep this apartment. Also she was told I do not have to keep paying for this apartment for 3 months after leaving it upon moving, but... now she was told the exact opposite of those things and there's no way my family could afford both rents for both apartments for 3 months. I asked her if the instance I get my money from and which also pays for most of my rent now couldn't possible help us out but she did not think so.
Now, as my mother called Gotlandshem from my apartment she didn't have access to look at my contract for this apartment (there was something important said in it that she needed to check but couldn't remember) she will continue talking to Gotlandshem when she's gotten back home and can look at my contract. And of course the two different instances, Gotlandshem and LSS, don't have any contact what so ever with each other and none of them knows what the other is doing. Great.
Now I'm feeling way too fucking dead to even be able to truly take all this in and I'm glad for that. I will try to not start worrying about it too much and let my mother help me handle this chaos and hope for the best. I truly can not deal with any of this kind of stuff. It would break me on a good day, these days it would disintegrate me. So I simply cannot take this kind of responsibility and take charge over the situation. I stand beside and try and not get too worried, it's all that I can do. This society and all its fucking systems are starting to really annoy me now. I more than just sensed how distressed my mother now is about this, it was like she just let go of everything and went home. Like the air just went out of her.
I don't know what to say or do, but to try to support her on an emotional level and try not to let this get me down as well. The issue is still not solved and there are one person's words against another's. I cannot know the outcome yet, all I can do is wait and hope this won't become an economical and legal disaster. I need to shut off some more right now.
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