Steve Buscemi. That talented bug-eyed actor who creeps you out in most movies who most people don't realize is actually extremely sexy. Nuff' said! I have somehow developed a major crush on him in less than a week. I've looked through 8 movies he has a role in (some he has directed/written) and 3 episodes of the relatively new tv-series Boardwalk Empire where he's the leading role, found a blog made by an equally obsessied fan filled to brim with awesome pictures and trivia, read all I've so far found about him and memorized his birthday, full name, height, where he grew up and what shoe company he made commercials for. This isn't healthy. Have to stop. Can't. Won't!
Okay, lets move on...
Come to think of it, just this moment, how many times have I actually come out of the closet? Or was I ever actually in any closet to begin with, or for that matter how many closets can there ever be? Three times officially, two times kind of unofficially.
1. thoughts of transsexualism (unofficial)
- I vented a little about it to my best friends in the sixth grade, I think.... just a weird thought I had back then, wasn't really a coming out kinda thing yet.
2. bisexual
- In ninth or eight grade, came out to my best friend and family
3. transsexual FtM
- In the fall of 2009, to family and friends, with name- and pronoun changes and all
4. pansexual (sort of unofficial)
- I think I just told a few friends at parties and stuff whenever there was relevence to the current discussion.
5. gay
- officially spitted that one out in front of friends. Actually havent told my family, just because I think it will confuse them even more, they'll see me as a straight girl again instead of the gay guy I am and they'll also think that I am officially permanently more uncapable of making up my own damn mind than the cats.... yeah, think I'll save that one for later.
So what's all this about, then? Do I have even more interesting news for the fans? (Or the lack there of). Yes... in a way. But I don't know. I'm just so damn tired of all these fucking labels by now. Why can't I just fffffffuuuuu be a little normal for once in my God forsaken life?! That little voice in my head says 'be careful what you wish for' and it brings back the memory of the eight year old me, partially molested, wrapped up in Asperger symptoms and seeing and hearing things that aren't really there; sitting somewhere alone in that big house in the country wishing I was different. Why can't I break a leg, have some scars or a fucked up family situation? -I honestly asked the guy up in the blue. How could I be so daft! I most have been the youngest emo ever!
Okay, just get to the fucking point, already...
I don't even know if I have any such, I just need to vent my insides out to the few who would listen. That's the good thing about blogging, I can rant and rant and rant forever and then just shove it in your faces. I can never do that in the real world. Gotta love the cyberspace!
The fucking point is, I most uncertainly think I am asexual. Like yeah, how does one go through all possible kinds of sexualities in less than 10 years and then just out of the blue claim asexuality? Kind of outrageous, I know, but that's just the way I roll. The thing is, being asexual doesn't neccesarily mean you have no sexdrive at all. In my case, it is completely ligitimate to find other people attractive and thinking that you want to have sex with them but when it really comes down to actually having sex... it just doesn't work. It doesn't feel right, and you really just wanna get the heck out of there! I've sorta figured out I'm an asexual fetishist, or how to twist the words to get the term right.
Okay, lets move on...
Come to think of it, just this moment, how many times have I actually come out of the closet? Or was I ever actually in any closet to begin with, or for that matter how many closets can there ever be? Three times officially, two times kind of unofficially.
1. thoughts of transsexualism (unofficial)
- I vented a little about it to my best friends in the sixth grade, I think.... just a weird thought I had back then, wasn't really a coming out kinda thing yet.
2. bisexual
- In ninth or eight grade, came out to my best friend and family
3. transsexual FtM
- In the fall of 2009, to family and friends, with name- and pronoun changes and all
4. pansexual (sort of unofficial)
- I think I just told a few friends at parties and stuff whenever there was relevence to the current discussion.
5. gay
- officially spitted that one out in front of friends. Actually havent told my family, just because I think it will confuse them even more, they'll see me as a straight girl again instead of the gay guy I am and they'll also think that I am officially permanently more uncapable of making up my own damn mind than the cats.... yeah, think I'll save that one for later.
So what's all this about, then? Do I have even more interesting news for the fans? (Or the lack there of). Yes... in a way. But I don't know. I'm just so damn tired of all these fucking labels by now. Why can't I just fffffffuuuuu be a little normal for once in my God forsaken life?! That little voice in my head says 'be careful what you wish for' and it brings back the memory of the eight year old me, partially molested, wrapped up in Asperger symptoms and seeing and hearing things that aren't really there; sitting somewhere alone in that big house in the country wishing I was different. Why can't I break a leg, have some scars or a fucked up family situation? -I honestly asked the guy up in the blue. How could I be so daft! I most have been the youngest emo ever!
Okay, just get to the fucking point, already...
I don't even know if I have any such, I just need to vent my insides out to the few who would listen. That's the good thing about blogging, I can rant and rant and rant forever and then just shove it in your faces. I can never do that in the real world. Gotta love the cyberspace!
The fucking point is, I most uncertainly think I am asexual. Like yeah, how does one go through all possible kinds of sexualities in less than 10 years and then just out of the blue claim asexuality? Kind of outrageous, I know, but that's just the way I roll. The thing is, being asexual doesn't neccesarily mean you have no sexdrive at all. In my case, it is completely ligitimate to find other people attractive and thinking that you want to have sex with them but when it really comes down to actually having sex... it just doesn't work. It doesn't feel right, and you really just wanna get the heck out of there! I've sorta figured out I'm an asexual fetishist, or how to twist the words to get the term right.
Yes it's true I've had my encounters and good ones too, it's just that in 99% of the cases I would rather have locked myself into a room with a dirty novel, videos or pictures instead. And that's a form of asexuality as well.
(Picture of mr. Buscemi from the movie Fargo)
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