Grim light (poem)

I stand in shadow and gaze at grim light
dimmed by my hesitation, wondering is the future even bright?
too far to see and not enough to show
am I blinded by what I already know?

Never knowing if I'm too hopeful or too bitter
left dithering between choices, unable to tell dust from glitter
but I lean forward, to dip my toes into the cold water
hoping, waiting, but time grows as I faulter

And I stumble into the unknown
as fear ruptures my excitement, and hides what I want shown
but how will I ever touch it and feel
if I cannot somehow make it real

It's dangerous they say, and worry for my health and sanity
but I grew weary of care based on a taboo, disguised as humanity
and now I wander freely into the dirt to find brittle gold
to the fringe of society where my shell can be repeatedly sold

And all my reasons to fear, what might not even come to pass
will follow me all the way through, alas
and all the times I'll misjudge and get hurt, I'll recall that hesitation
exasperated by the doubts of others
but without this chance I'll be lost in my stagnation

(written by me)