About labels

I've seen you reblog it twice now and I can't help but feeling it might be directed at me, it itches in my fingers too much to ignore it now. "As soon as you believe that a label you've put on yourself is true, you've limited something that is literally limitless, you've limited who you are into nothing but a thought." -Adyashanti.

Let me tell you what I think about that, my honest truth. This might get a little cranky-sounding and disrespectful at some point or another though. A fair warning. Labels are not definite road blocks. They're not always harmful but can be there for protection as well. A label does not necessarily rule out everything else. Like just because you say you want to keep a piece of paper white does not mean you can't put colour on it later on. It just means you don't want to put colour on it now. And it informs people about that, so then it can make you feel more secure and less pressured to colour it when you don't want to. But you can still put colour on it anytime you want. Labels are not definite, they're meant to help with communication, to be better understood and to understand yourself better.

Labels don't define me, I use them to simplify my language and communication with others. They're simply tools for me, just like any other words, and I use them as guides. And also, about the aspects of me in regards to being trans, I do use words and terms and labels in a way to make communication easier and more flowing with cis people, which does quite often tend to make other trans people uncomfortable. Like I do use words/terms like sex change, female to male, female born, biologically female, becoming a man, and other such that I know are problematic one way or another simply because my main concern is to be understood, not to make a politically correct statement. I only use such terms to describe myself though, not other trans people.

But aside from the trans aspect, I do use labels as a way for me to avoid long and complicated explanations when they're not necessary. I hate having to explain things in detail when I can just use a simple word that is close enough instead. So it's for convenience and anxiety-reduction. But I know they're not 100% correct, most of them at least. That doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't use them. That doesn't mean it's problematic or wrong of me to use them. It means I don't want to hassle myself through a damn maze when there is a shortcut.

Sure I can say about my stupid sexual orientation, for example, that I'm almost exclusively attracted to men whether they're cis or trans, but once in a blue moon I find myself attracted to a woman, cis or trans. That attraction may or may not be real, and it never lasts long enough for me to have time to act on it before it's gone, and also I don't feel it would be quite nice of me to do so as it might very well make that woman feel like I'm just using her as some kind of experiment or an exception. And I haven't ever had sex with a woman yet because of those reasons, as well as not being terribly wanted myself. So I should call myself some kind of homoflexible, mostly gay but open to experiment but it's just damn more convenient and simple to say "gay" and that's it. Why make it so god damn complicated when there's no need to complicate it?

And well yeah, I do think non-binary is bullshit and I wouldn't ever again consider myself pansexual (or queer for that matter) again, as there are only males and females in my world. And confused males and females who think they're something else. And no, even if I would end up with someone who identifies as non-binary that wouldn't make me change what label I use for myself. It wouldn't be a terribly good idea for anyone non-binary identifying to be with me, honestly. I would advice against that, for their sake.

Basically if they're male-born and look male or see themselves as mostly male as female-born but has had some kind of medical transition changes whatever I'd put them in the male category and if they're female-born without any medical transition changes or male-born but leaning closer to being a trans woman I'd put them in the female category. However rude or horrible that would be of me, I wouldn't keep my opinions from that potential person, I wouldn't give the impression of being more accepting than I am. So them wanting to be with me if that should ever happen would most likely be problematic, and a pretty bad idea.

So yeah, I do mostly go by looks, name, sometimes preferred pronoun, gender presentation and how they act - not how they "feel" that they're not just either male or female. So I did drop the pansexual label because I changed my opinions on non-binary identifying people. And as I do only think one can be either male or female, that does mean there basically are just four different sexual orientations and a spectrum between them. Gay, straight, bi and ace. So yeah, I do think there's a spectrum between gay and straight, and between sexual and asexual, but that's about it. And I will with all likelihood always fall somewhere between gay and bisexual, but now a hell of a lot closer to gay.

So no, I don't say I'd refuse to be with people who aren't male, but that doesn't mean I can't call myself gay when it is males I primarily want like 99% of the time. The label doesn't limit me, it explains the limits that already existed to be begin with. Meaning, my limits came before the label I chose for myself. That's always the case with me.

About me labeling myself as a submissive bottom, it's not 100% limiting either, but it is also a way for me to protect myself, to avoid misunderstandings and make things run smoother sexually. Why should I not limit myself from things I don't want to do? Just because you're up for anything doesn't mean I am, or are you? I don't think you truly are, but regardless, maybe I'm up for less than you are. However I'm pretty much just as much a bottom as I'm gay, meaning it's closer to 99% than 100% and I would maybe want to try topping or being the active partner at some point in the future again, but it's unlikely that I would want to and I will certainly not let myself be pressured into it, as that's kinda rapey. That doesn't make me less of a bottom however, that I might be up for trying in the future. That's actually how it seems to be for most who identify themselves as bottoms, and tops or that matter. Very few are super exclusive, 100%.

And as far as my psychiatric diagnoses go, I really don't get so hung up about them at all. Mostly I only really use them for the sake of not having to explain that shit in detail cause it's frustrating and boring and makes me want to rip out my brain and stomp on it for being such a damn disaster. And I self diagnose only because it helps me better understand myself. Like sorting a whole bunch of papers into different piles to get a better overview. That's basically all there is to it for me, it's a sorting system. It's not perfect but it's helpful.

I can't just sit and decide what I'm into or up for trying left to right, it doesn't work that way. Do whatever you want with whatever labels, I don't give a fuck. But I will continue using labels for myself as it doesn't harm me in any way, it's actually damn helpful for me. I don't know if I need them or not, but I want them, cause they're a comfort and makes talking to people easier. Or well, perhaps everyone but you then. I always did find your aversion to labels more worrying than my liking for them.