Just wanted to say that I've finally figured it out. I'm in love with pain. Everything from headache to heartache. It's the only thing that makes me feel anything. Sometimes I don't wanna feel anything and resort to pain by cutting. And when I allow myself to fall in love, I do it because love is pain. I willingly let others harm me, I willingly harm myself. Misery is my most powerful drug, it makes me feel so alive. They say bone pain is the worst, but I don't believe in that - pain in the soul is the worst.
All my life I've been trying to avoid pain by causing pain. I finally see it now. I'm on the dark side, and I'm here to stay. And what is it they say? No pain, no gain. If I'm prepared, really prepared for that, I think I might actually be able to accomplish something meaningful in this meaningless life.
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