Thoughts on murder for the night

I'm watching a movie, with one of my favourite actor's in it, and he's a killer. Not that cold blooded kinda killer with the typical abusive childhood, nor the type that is completely psycho either. No, he's just another bloke and finally it just snapped in his head. That kinda killer. The kinda killer I could be. But now we're moving a bit too fast. What I want you to know is that whenever I watched a movie with a favourite actor in the role as a killer I've always been disgusted, and kinda scared. You know, those expected emotion when you see someone you like doing something bad. It's just natural. But this time, oh not this time... this time I wasn't disgusted at all. I was aroused. Aroused seeing him murdering, aroused at the thought of actually killing somebody.

And now we're sorta getting there. I just come to think about this, just like that, all of this just smacked me in the head. When I went to the psychiatric that gave me the Borderline-diagnose, he also said that I fit into a lot of criteria in "antisocial personality disorder". After some search I found out that crap is the same as being a sociopath. Silly, I thought then, cause for example: who has not beaten up someone in school when they were kids? But the thing is, I really think I'm a possible killer. But then again, aren't we all...?

Let me ask you just this: how normal is it to through your whole life, I mean since you were really small, always had these fantasies about killing and wanting to kill those annoyable people around you? And not stopping at wanting, but actually planning on killing these people. Never gone through with those plans though, not quite yet. But I've been close.

As to say I really just wanted to get these thoughts out of my head. But I'm a bit psycho as you all may know by now, and I'm putting an attracting head line for this so you all should react to it and want to read about it. So long until then, alrighty! Please don't mind my Scottish accent if there is any signs of that. I'm a little bit obsessed/possessed at the moment.