Another common donor site is butt/lovehandles. That I could more surely be elegible for cause I simply, factually, have more fat tissue there. However... apparently very few surgeons are skilled enough to use tissue from that particular donor site. Which means it's not likely gonna be an option for me in this tiny country I live in that only has like 3 surgeons per area of expertise. A third option for donor site is the back, or upper side of the back. Problem with that site however.... are that I'd still need to add implants as well, I have very little fat tissue on my back in general so might not work at all, and it might mess up my motor skills forever after. So I'd opt out of that one even if I'm elegible for it, cause not worth it.
However, let's just assume I'll be elegible for and can get both the flap method (stomach and, but not likely ass/hips) and the method of getting only implants... which one would I choose?
I think both methods have a lot of pros and cons and they pretty much weigh equally. It would depend on things that are only indivual for my specific body and my life. But let's have a closer look. Here are some of my questions/worries:
Implant method:
- Karate. Would it be safe to practice karate with implants? Would it be safe enough with saline instead of silicone, in case there is a considerable risk of rupture?
- Can my chest skin stretch enough, or evenly enough, considering amount of skin there and the stretch-ability of my top surgery scars?
- Would my nipples end up in a wonky place, as I wouldn't be able to relocate them again? Risk is they'd end up way too high up and possibly also too close together or too far apart.
Other things to consider:
- Quicker recovery, possibly fewer surgeries
- Would definitely keep my real nipples but they may end up in weird placement and not look good
- Boobs may look and feel not so natural
Flap method:
- What about my nipples? Could I keep my real ones or would I have to toss them for reconstructed ones? Cause I've heard nipples that have been relocated once CAN'T be relocated again, and a flap would cover that area, or my real nipples would end up above the flap but way too high up and it wouldn't be a good look at all. If I'd opt for reconstructed nipples I might end up with two small scars (additional ones) where they used to be, and then the new nipples would be a bit further down. Is what my vivid imagination is telling me.
- What about scarring and unevenness on the donor site?Especially if butt, I have a great butt and I'd be sad if it would lose shape, be scarred and look bad. But if stomach then I wouldn't worry about it. As long as it would heal well without complications, that kind of scar wouldn't bother me and the surface area would most likely end up being pretty evenly flat.
Other things to consider:
- Longer recover time, possibly more surgeries
- Might have to get nipples reconstructed which would likely look better but I might just miss them
- Boobs may look and feel more natural
Other questions I may have I think would apply to both and just in general. And my intent with this entry is to only analyse which method of reconstruction I'd wanna go for and why, not all of my thoughts/feels about reconstruction in general. I've seen more results and I will add a few to this blog entry cause I never got around to email you those. I tried to find pics of patients that look at least somewhat similar to me, but many are a lot older and fatter so erhm yeah... cause that does impact result a lot. A 64 year old black woman who's twice my size would obviously get a very, very different-looking pair of boobs from what I'd get, for example.
Let's talk about my nipples for a moment: I feel kinda "shrugs" about mine and I don't really feel all that emotionally attached to them. And here's their state: the little sensation I have left in them doesn't feel good at all but kinda painful and "icky" (I dunno how to describe it, but it's bad), sensation in them can never be regained anyhow, they're really just dried up scar tissue, the areolas are uneven in shape and size and are permanently discoloured, they don't at all look like they originally did, one is bigger and more oval than the other, the scar tissue around looks weird, they have uneven edges that look unnaturally "sharp" in contrast to the surrounding skin which bugs me. Objectively, they're trash, and I would not lose out on ditching them. But on the more subjective side, I might still be nostalgic about them, simply cause they're mine. Even though they don't feel or look like mine since my top surgery.
But if I'd get new ones reconstructed, there would be a lot of pros, such as:
- I could get them tattooed in an even and nice colour that's similar to how my original ones used to look before my top surgery (I'd likely go with a colour similar to my lips' natural shade or slightly darker, as reference).
- They'd be even in shape and could look more natural.
- I could choose their size too. And for both to be the same size.
- I could make them look quite similar to how they used to look, as I still have that old photo! (And fuck yeah, I'd show it to a surgeon!) But then they don't have to look all that similar, it could just be a reference.
- I would still have barely any sensation in them BUT the little sensation I'd have would not be painful/icky like it is now, which would be an improvement.
- They'd be made of actual skin, not just scar tissue, which means they'd be soft and nicely squishy. I miss having squishy, soft and grabbable nips. Although it wouldn't be "nipple skin" it would be better than the hard, rough scar tissue of my current situation.
Seeing that listed up and having felt things through as I wrote it... why the hell would I even want to keep my nips if getting a new pair would be better on literally ALL points?! Me and my god damned nostalgia!
By the way, a little while ago I found a lot of very good information about breast reconstruction from this channel's playlist on youtube, if a source may be of interest (I haven't watched all the vids yet though):
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIpJ04u0nhs0ykHFwetCht4r3q-sKZvM7
Okay, let's see what kinda conclusion I can whip up then!
If I had all options available for me to choose from: I think I might prefer the flap method, actually, cause it does often look more natural and I've heard it also feels more natural, cause they'd be made of my own fat tissue. It would likely cover my top surgery scars with neater scars in slightly different places. And I think I might actually be fine with tossing my natural nipples for a new pair, I'd probably not even miss them. It would be very neat to not have to worry about implants bursting open or having to replace them after a decade or two. It would be boobs of my own natural tissues, just relocated, no plastic or saline, so I think I'd feel more "connected" to them as natural parts of me then. It would be safer for karate or any kind of physical activity. Once they're done and healed there's very little risk of needing any further surgery to fix them up. I only worry slightly about the donor sites, if I'd be elegible for it even, nipples and the recovery being hard on me. Cause going through skin grafting surgery ain't no fucking rosegarden! Or at least I think it might be harsh to go through.
About the implants method, I feel I get drawn towards it mostly because it seems to be quicker and easier and have a less demanding recovery time. For actual results and living with the boobs many years after, the flap method does seem a lot better. So I think I'd choose the flap method then, actually. Cause it just feels like the wiser, more logical and all around better option. If I could be elegible for it. If not I'd just ask the surgeon about the rupture risk with karate and have a discussion about my safety concerns with implants, and also discuss nipple placement, but I'd happily go with implants if that's the only option I'd be elegible for.
Either which way I'm sure I'll get good boobs that I will give lots of love and care, BUT if I had the free unlimited choice of just picking and choosing whichever method I personally want, I'd of course still bring up all of my questions and concerns to the surgeon, but then also most likely go with the flap method. Because it will depend a lot on what the surgeon says during a consultation. I know I can only do so much in terms of my own research, vivid imagination and creative guesstimations.
I know I said pretty much the opposite probably not even a month ago, but that's because I'm more informed now, and also not in an extremely overly dysphoric/griefy mood about my chest so I can analyse it a bit more logically now. So with the new information that I have about both methods, and my emotions being a little bit more in check, I now think the flap method would probably be better than implants but I still think they're both good methods and ultimately I'd be fine with either one. But also both methods have cons that concern me a little. The biggest reason I'd rather choose the flap method with what I know now, is that I'd rather ditch my nipples than risk getting implants busted at karate, or any other activity, and because flap boobs have more/better longevity in general and seem to be more natural in both feeling and looks.
Also the stomach flap method is called "DIEP flap". Was some really long, tongue-twister of a phrase those 4 letters are short for, that I can't remember anymore.
You probably never thought you'd ever hear me say this, but: I kinda wish I had a more flabby stomach! So I could use it for a donor site for new boobs. Should I pack on some weight before surgery? I'm serious. After a consultation, of course. I mean I could do that quite easily... and I think it would be worth it cause it seems I really wanna go with that flap method, but I'm unsure if I might be too thin for it. I'd of course be very, very careful to not trigger an eating disorder relapse, VERY careful. But because I actually love my body shape now and really don't mind having a Big Beautiful Butt, I don't think it actually would trigger a relapse. I wouldn't mind it getting bigger. The thought of that actually turns me on slightly..... And then after surgery my stomach would be flatter than it has ever been... since I was 16 or something. Also I actually didn't look bad at around 80kg weight. There might be one or two pics of me from that time, dated year 2012. I just thought that I looked bad with that weight at the time cause of the dysmorphia. It wasn't a big difference from my current weight, I think. I weigh around 65-67 kg now though so aiming at 70-75 would be more reasonable, in that case. And that would only be a very slight overweight.
Am I totally crazy for actually considering gaining weight for surgery, though?! Must mean I REALLY want those boobies, huh?
At this point my stomach is really hairy still, but it has reduced a lot already and I think there's quite a high chance it will be more or less just peach fuzz on it by the time I get to consultation and/or surgery. And if not, I could just get it lasered, cause I don't wanna keep my stomach hair either which way. It itches, looks bad and I've no idea what to do with it when I wanna shave my pussy but not wanting to bloody bother with the stomach hair. I'm keeping it now ONLY so that I can see it reduce. But again, I'd of course consult with the surgeon about that first before I'd actually start gaining weight on purpose. I have a little bit of pout on my stomach already, so I'm pretty sure some extra 5 or 10 kg would surely be enough. I'd be overweight then though, which might be of concern for surgery safety. But anyhow, it's just an idea!
But I think it would actually be totally worth it though. Growing some boob material!
I'd say that's a pretty good analysis and a pretty solid conclusion. However, do keep in mind that I may still change my mind again on details like nipples, risks/safety, scarring, etc. But this is where I stand with it right now. And I feel pretty good and hopeful about it.
So, I thought I'd add some pics to give you an idea of what reconstructed boobs can kinda look like on me, taken into consideration that I of course can't find anyone with a chest that looks exactly like mine.
Okay, so I selected 4 pics in total, all slightly different, in subtle but important ways. I tried to find ones with women who are of similar size, shape, skintone and age as me, which really wasn't easy, so you've gotta use your imagination a lot if you're trying to imagine them being me. Sidenote but, me showing these pics might actually give you an idea of what I think my own body type, shape and size looks like! I think especially the first and last pic are quite close. The middle two, not as much.
Anyhow, here we go:
1. This girl only got one boob and nipple (right side in pic) reconstructed with the flap method, which I think is good to show cause you can then see how similar the reconstructed boob looks to the natural one. The stomach scar is from where they took the tissue to create the breast, which just looks like a regular tummy-tuck scar. She's 36 so not very far from my age and I think her chest looks really awesome!
2. I chose this picture cause her scars are kinda similar to the ones I
have, just a bit higher up and slightly different angle. Mine would be
below the nipples and more straight across. That's both boobs reconstructed,
with just implants, no grafting. Here you can also see what she looked liked before,
and that there had been quite some time between mastectomy and
reconstruction. Nipples are reconstructed too. It doesn't look as
natural, but also likely cause she's very thin which makes the implants
"pop out" a bit more, and she was perhaps not elegible for the flap
method due to her thinness. Don't know her age but looks young enough,
but I can't guess if she's 20 or 40 even... I still think these are
good-looking boobs though and I'd be happy with that kind of result.
3. This woman's a little older at 41, a bit heavier than me and looks quite different from me in general, but I just think her boobs turned out so incredibly good and very natural-looking I just had to include this pic! If it wasn't for the scarring around the nipples I would not think twice about them being natural, including the nipples. Consider me impressed! Flap method, says website, but I honestly can't figure out how. Looks more like a breast reduction, but I know it's not. Donor site is stomach here as well. Honestly, I'd fucking kill to have boobs like these! (and also if I may be so rude to say, I actually think her reconstructed ones look much better than her original ones did.)
4. And then this last one I wanna show because this is implant only and it's her natural nipples. Not to be mean or anything... Her boobs look absolutely amazing! ...but her nipple placement worries me a little bit. Cause I think that would happen with my nipples too if I'll keep them and go with implants... that they'll just take off somewhere. Granted, this does not at all look bad and I even think the skew nipples look really cute on her, it's just that the asymmetry and them being so far apart would bother me if it was my chest. I think it looks like she just had an augmentation, and a good one at that. In my mind it doesn't look super natural, but very good nonetheless. She's 26, and more tan, but otherwise quite similar-looking to me, I think.
That's the end of the gallery. I hope blogger won't complain about me posting these pics here on my blog. My blog is "child banned" already so it should be fine that it's tits, but it's also not sexual at all, but for a VERY medical reason. I obviously don't own any rights to these pictures and just found them online, but the women are anonymous and I do post them with all good intentions and no body shaming. I'm even complimenting them. I really hope they are as happy with their chests as I would be if I looked like they do. Just as a disclaimer, I guess. Cause I think it can be important to show the one or two people who read my blog the reality of what I'm faced with. And what I mean when I say I think reconstructed breasts I've seen online look really good and I'd love to have that. I'm jealous! And I can't fucking wait for my own reconstruction to happen! So yeah, these pics are highly inspirational for me and I'm really grateful those women posted their pics online so that I could see them and be jealous as well as more informed of what kind of result I could be expecting and realistically hoping for.
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